Thursday, July 23

On Womanity

I have a hard time thinking of myself as a woman.

No, this is not an ego issue at all. Most of the time I find myself muttering 'I don't understand women', earning me odd looks from people that remind me that I, in fact, am one. As if that should give me some valuable inside info on the mysteries of women kind. But when I think of the concentrated idea of 'woman' or at least the one that is shown generally in books, television and other media, I have little to identify myself with.

Shopping, the highest duty of the 'woman', is an annoying but unavoidable choir for me (with the exception of gadget, computer and toy shopping). My looks have the underlying current of being only what is comfortable and makes me feel good rather than the 'beauty knows no pain' motto I see in some other women. The search for a mate or the quest for a boyfriend/husband that drives so many of the women I personally know holds little or no interest for me. And before you ask, no. I am not a lesbian, in or out of the closet.

Its not so much that I don't want some form of significant other but rather that I don't feel I need one. I've taken a long hard look at such relationships from various sources (books, television and the people I know) and come to the conclusion that rather than spending my time and effort trying to find a boyfriend, I'm going to direct that energy into making friends. All around me I see people in serial relationships that, when it comes down to it, have very few friends. And in all honesty, I'd rather have lots of friends than a long history of men, women or other, in my life.

And before you say that this turned into a rant about relationships I'd like to point out that this could have just as easily turned into a rant about make up, or hair, or clothes. All of those things are what seem to make or break a woman more than say... breasts, a vagoo, and regular periods (although that last one seems to be optional these days).

In the end I figure that in body I most certainly fall into the category of 'female' but as for being a woman... can't I just be human?